By Alan Howe
January 17, 2008 10:27am Article from:Herald Sun
DADS – who needs them? Dads are dangerous. Stepdads are deadly.
About 25 per cent of Australian kids have seen some form of violence against their mother or their stepmother. Drunk dads do much of it but sober dads are often behind the fists as well.
Men are genetically predisposed to violence and 23.5 per cent of all assaults reported to Victoria Police take place in the family home.
What's worse is the Australian Bureau of Statistics believes only 31 per cent of assaults are reported. That is a lot of unhappy homes. Far too many. And it'll be the dad who is mostly to blame.
Which is why I am not confronted by the latest bestseller, Knock Yourself Up, written by a New York lesbian, Louise Sloan, who used an anonymous sperm donor to have a baby - a boy.
In the book - provocatively subtitled No Man? No Problem! - Sloan interviews a range of single mums, mostly heterosexual women whose body clocks sounded a deafening alarm that spurred them into action.
Sloan writes: "Most of the women in this book would love to find the right guy but, when push came to shove, decided finding the right husband just wasn't their No. 1 priority. Having a child was."
The book is a best-seller and there has been uproar about the manner in which Sloan appears to have written off the need for a child to have a dad. And some have asked why she didn't adopt.
My best mate is adopted, but it is not something I would ever do. I don't want to raise someone else's child. I want my own.
And that's precisely how Sloan and many of those she interviewed felt. They wanted pregnancies and to give birth - and that's a pretty natural desire.
As natural as alpha males beating the living daylights out of lesser beings.
There will soon be many more single mums now that Attorney-General Rob Hulls is giving them access to fertility treatment.
An interfaith council led by Rabbi Shimon Cowen has accused the Government of social engineering.
"The values that were with us until 20 years ago have gone out of control," Rabbi Cowen said on behalf of the committee representing the Jewish, Anglican, Presbyterian, Pentecostal, Orthodox, Catholic and Muslim faiths.
That would be the Catholic faith that bars priests from having wives and families, and women from the priesthood, and the Muslim faith that allows a man to divorce his wife just by saying so.
No wonder women, repressed for centuries by organised religion, feel they have a right to take control of their fertility.
Another flank of the attack against Sloan is by men despairing of the future of children from fatherless households. I wouldn't worry too much.
While the economics of such households may pose a few problems - and equal pay, real equal pay, might help there - the phenomenon of women bringing up kids without their dads has been with us forever.
There are 663,000 lone parent households in Australia, 83 per cent of them run by mum.
One of our most cherished organisations is Legacy, which has helped widows of war for almost a century - 100,000 Australian men were killed in World Wars I and II, and in Vietnam - and their well-adjusted kids include Ron Barassi, TV star Clive James and guitar virtuoso Tommy Emmanuel.
Last week it was revealed that Queensland Premier Anna Bligh and her husband, Greg Withers, who heads the state Office of Climate Change, were both raised in fatherless houses, Withers by his grandmother.
Both estranged from their alcoholic fathers, they seem to have done rather well.
But the drinking dad's no match for the deadly dad.
I drove past Winchelsea last week and saw the three little white crosses at the spot where Robert Farquharson decided to murder sons Jai, 10, Tyler, 7, and Bailey, 2 on Father's Day, 2005.
No man? No problem? No argument from me.
COMMENTS:
You know what?
This all sounds perfect for blokes. Whoever would have thought that a lesbian had our best interests at heart!! Let the women raise the kids after getting pregnant by a turkey baster so they don't have to live with an abusive man. Guys could chip into a "community" sperm bank to avoid the cloning debate, or alternatively Brad Pitt and a few others could spend most of their waking hours filling cups for all of the women out there. Guys could to go to the pub, watch sport when they want, chase chicks or visit the knock shop to get their rocks off. And the best part about it all is that there would be no more child support to pay for the guys that have done absolutely nothing wrong, yet are victimised by the current court systems' blatant favoritism towards women. This all sounds like an ideal dream world for both parties. No more faking a headache, or having to beg through various means for sex - it would be a straight out monetary transaction. Toilet seats will be able to be left the way each party wants them to, as we would all live in separate houses. No more nagging, or really cranky times of the month...the list is endless and just seems to get better and better.
Posted by: A mans agrees of this sounds perfect 2:41pm January 18, 2008
Comment 7 of 7
A lot of Dads are abusive. It's not a good thing. Agreed. But sociological studies also show that children raised in single parent household have significantly poorer life outcomes, higher rates of suicide etc.. than their nuclear family counter parts. I was actually raised in a single parent family. I wish I'd had a male role model growing up. I've done OK but I think I'd be a more well rounded person if I'd had a Dad around the place growing up.
Posted by: Matt of Brisbane 4:51pm January 17, 2008
Comment 6 of 7
I was raised by a single mother. She raised us well and did the best she could to make us feel loved and have a stable life. Thanks to her efforts I was given the life skils to get mtyself a uni degree, a home and a great well paid job. At the age of 16 I went to another country for a year as an exchange student. I lived with a family that had a father. The father was a good man and took me in as his son for the time I was there. It was amazing. I had no idea how wonderful it would feel to be a teenage boy living in a house with a good stable father figure. My mother did the best she could do... but when i went away for a year as an exchange student I realised what i was missing and what i wished i always had. I had no idea i was blind until i was able to see.
Posted by: Paul 1:28pm January 17, 2008
Comment 5 of 7
A brave article, particularly in these politically-correct times when men have discovered how to cry 'foul' whenever their majority-driven predisposition to violence is brought up or acknowledged as fact. Personally I wouldn't trust any man with my child. My father was a good enough example - white collar office-angel, home-devil, who beat the absolute crap out of me on his better days. The saddest thing is, I used to think I was the only child who had to deal with a father like him. Learning that actually the majority of children suffer some form of abuse from their male parent was very depressing.
Posted by: Bitten 11:47am January 17, 2008
Comment 4 of 7
Ok what about the dads on the receiving end??? That happens to I know............Mums and "Step"Mums arent always rosey either. Just thought you should all be reminded of this....Men are not always the badies we get a lot of blame but we are not always at fault. I know from experience and have the scars from my female partner to prove it
Posted by: M 11:41am January 17, 2008
Comment 3 of 7
Great, brave piece Alan. Be prepared for the mentally unstable and bitter "fathers" fighting court cases to start attacking you. I am lucky and have a wonderful partner and father for our children but if he wasn't a good person i'd rather not have him contaminate the children's lives and would protect the children from any unhealthy influence he might have. I have a friend who has raised a beautiful, well behaved boy all on her own and he is excelling in every way. James Bartel, the current brownlow medallist has choosen to have no contact with his father (and hasn't for years) and has spoken about how single mothers can raise great sons. He is a pretty good example of what a good parent can do when they do not have to deal with the influence of an unstable father/mother. The article is also true for bad mums, kids would be better off with a single healthy parent than have to deal with a dysfunctional one (hello britney).
Posted by: Jane Herderson of Melbourne 11:36am January 17, 2008
Comment 2 of 7
Thinking beyond the authors attempt to provoke outrage, what is the real problem? Why do dad's act violently sometimes? supposedly because of genetics, Alan when was the last time you beat a defenseless woman or child? I find the genetics argument hard to stomach, but so be it, it will get some arguments started which is what it was trying to do. Also there is the case of what about the childs right to know their father, it may be that the father does not wish to be known. Whose rights take precendence? However before the guys get up in arms about it, there is a very simple solution, do not donate sperm. No sperm, no clinics no worries.
Posted by: Pat of Sydney 11:35am January 17, 2008
Comment 1 of 7