The gender debate on Domestic Violence that continues to prevent the problem being addressed.
The below is the transcript of a conversation between the CEO of a victim support organisation and a gentleman who heads an association that has fought for many years for the rights of fathers not to be excluded from the lives of their children after separation. The conversation highlights the commonality of the parties in their abhorrence of violence, and how, when gender issues are raised – gender becomes the topic of importance, rather than the act of violence itself.
The reason I believe that things have not changed nor will they is because the problem is not seen as a whole and the solutions based on' the behavior.' Rather it is based on gender.
Basic DV 101 teaches people to recognize the behavior. That's the first step. So I disagree here.
Every/ most man/men knows that DV occurs.
That is an interesting observation, but one which is not the same for women, nor for many men i have assisted. I say many, many women fail to recognize this thing called DV, or that it affects women 'like them'. Ditto men. It is often not until very late in the day that many women/ men learn they do not have to put up with it. Before that, a smack in the mouth is not seen as 'violence', it's just bad temper.
They often know who are the violent ones from experiences playing sport and in the pub, growing up & every day life
say they may not recognize their own controlling, threatening or bullying behaviors when they happen in their own families, and nor may they be able to identify verbal abuse, emotional physical or financial abuse when they use it or suffer it. And so we ask you how to get those men to fight for the safety of people harmed by violence. I think it would be very wrong to confuse the victims’ awareness with that of professional response. In the fight with service providers, the real needs of people can disappear.
So in my opinion it is not solely a male problem.
No body ever said it was!
Even if we are 95 % of the problem D.V. will not be fixed until it is dealt with in the proper manner, as this is how the human race works.
If men were 95% of the problem (and you said that not me) why is it women's problem to take it on? Why aren't men taking it on in the proper manner by addressing their violence? The bigger question is what benefits do they get by being violent and controlling? What would it take to make them stop?
Research and statistics from the past have shown it is gendered - from the time boys are born we (and I mean even mothers) treat them differently to girls. We have to - society makes it impossible to resist. We give boys guns, action toys - we might send them to war so they need to think guns are OK. We teach them to fight, we teach them to win, we teach them that power is where it's at, and we unfortunately also teach them that women exist to make it all happen for them, to do the boring jobs like housework, shopping etc. Look at a Toyworld catalogue and then tell me we aren't focused on teaching girls to be pretty bimbos, who cook and play with dolls, and we're teaching our children about equality? Where are the boys playing with dolls to help them get socialized to child rearing?
I see the problems like this :
1. DV is not concentrated on behavior RATHER it is on gender.
DV responses are absolutely focused on behavior. The funded responses have been based on male violence against women as a result of lobbying to 'out' the issue into the public domain from the 'privacy' of the home, where 'a man's home was his castle - and he was often the feudal lord. The academic argument, based on research includes the relevance of gender. That's not the same thing at all.
2. DV on kids is not highlighted to the extent that it is older women, and kids have fewer choices.
I agree that it has taken years of lobbying to get the DV agencies to include kids because they didn't have enough resources for the women. DV against kids has traditionally been called Child Abuse. Many resources for years have addressed that - although poorly. It is a developing field.
3. Is DV DV or does it change with gender - DV happens to men and this is not seen as just as bad as DV to women and children - agreed that men can do a better job with their hands / feet , but women aren't bad with knives and hospital intakes on serious cases have women right up there - Modbury Hospital study in S.A.
DV exists in our patriarchal system - i.e., its already gendered. I think the ways of DV vary, that not enough is being done to address the harmful impact of verbal and emotional or financial control and abuse, all very important in DV. (And all practiced by men, women and children - although to varying extents.) I predict that as this current generation of young women grow up, you'll see even more evidence of knifings and shootings by them, because they are growing up in a more violent society.
4. Lesbian & Homosexual D.V. is not highlighted and this can be quite significant I am told.
Actually, there is a lot of work being done on this. I think we waste an enormous amount of resources by 'sorting and providing services by type' rather than focus on safe behaviors and rejecting violence.
5. Many men have been victims of false allegations and this has not been addressed.
Many men have made false allegations. Many people lie. And the more 'psycho' they are, the more they'll beat polygraphs, and do it smiling, breathing evenly, confidently, especially if they are coached in how to win.
6. D.V. is a growing industry, and industries grow best where there is confusion AND the core problem ignored as all the above highlight, and unfortunately no-one wants to lose their job BECAUSE income is important in this world of greed.
Then we should be lobbying for more resources so the grab for survival doesn't jeopardise the excellent work that is being done. Instead of whinging 'me too' (just like our pollies) women only got resources because they fought long and hard for them. Isn't the answer to address the issues - all the issues, instead of taking away advances in a field that didn't exist until women fought for them. Yes we need resources for victims. PEOPLE. That's why at VOCAL I see people, because it doesn't matter who hurts you, it hurts. It's just true that in 15 years, we see 75% of women and children clients, and about 60% of those have been harmed by a man they loved.
I'm interested in what you are actually meaning when you say 'DV'.
When any or all of you are prepared to tackle DV as a whole?
I'm sorry, should I ignore my homicides, child sexual assaults, arson, armed robberies, assaults, car smashes, bullying clients? I do treat the issue holistically - actively, positively even inspiringly I'm told.
AND incorporate all aspect strictly on behavior ie the core of the problem
Behavior is the core, fundamental base of any intervention, so why aren't you in?......
count me in, AND I’m guessing MOST men, because you know, most of us have daughters who we love AND would not want them to be victims because we turned a blind eye to REAL SOLUTIONS.
Violence against daughters by fathers and mothers, sisters by brothers, nieces by uncles, and vice versa are the stuff of my life, right now, and have been for many, many years. Love is just a word. Actions and attitudes are what really measure humanity.
So, yes we are all victims OR represent victims, AND from the false allegation side we are ready to take POLYGRAPHS and admit that some men are violent and beat their wives and kids.
Beat? Rape? starve? humiliate, control? evict?
Let's get the total package and go.
By the total package, do you mean 'your way' - or the complex, evolving reality of violence in Australia in 2007?